BS, gluten-free-ness, Sweets, The Vault

Only here

Real snippets of conversation late yesterday morning while out running errands with The Man:

After pulling into a parking space at the local Dollar General…which is a hop-skip-and-jump from Subway…

The Man: Man, a Philly cheese steak sure sounds good.

Me: How do you figure you can call it a Philly anything when all you get is bread, meat and cheese?  It’s not a Philly without the peppers and onions. <eye roll>

On our way home from the grocery store…

Me: Let’s go home and unload.  You can go get your meat sandwich then.

The Man: Do you want anything?

Me: <eyebrows raised>

The Man: You can’t eat Subway?

Me: What’s their bread made out of?

The Man: Wheat?

Me: Very good.  Give the man a cigar.

The Man: Probably not, then.


Honestly, it’s a wonder I still have my sanity.  I guess I can’t say life is boring, since I never know if he’s stuck his glutened hand in the silverware drawer.


I had a good laugh this afternoon.  While in the middle of setting up to make today’s recipe, I naturally had flours and sugar and stuff all over the counters.  The Man politely asked me if I was finished with the microwave so he could make himself some Hot Pockets.  I told him he could use it – then watched him walk from the freezer to the counter next to the microwave, where my stand mixer and food processor live (until I move them again, anyway).  This is also where I had unloaded my flour containers, which were open.

“SHIT – hang on a minute – do not open that box, don’t put it down…”  I run around moving stuff.  The Man moves to another section of counter and implies I am a crazy person.  I look and sure enough, there’s more baking crap spread out where he’s at now.  I zoom toward him and hurriedly move my stuff out of his way, reminding him, “Anything that could go in my mouth!  You can’t open that anywhere near anything that I could put in my mouth!”  His eyebrows just went higher…and higher…

He got those nasty things nuking and left the room.  While it really wasn’t funny that he once again missed the whole problem (when at other times, he remembers to wash his hands or wipe off counters or whatever), the look on his face as he walked out just set me off.

Apparently I am a crazy person.  But you already knew that.


I used to adore Fig Newtons.  These bars taste nothing like the Fig Newtons I remember, though.  These have flavor 🙂

I am in the process of putting the first bar in my face.  How difficult it is to wait until I get a halfway decent picture before I can dive in!

Fig Bars

Adapted from The Vault

1 8-ounce package dried figs

1 cup apple juice

1/4 cup millet flour

1/4 cup almond meal

1/4 cup tapioca flour

1/4 cup potato starch

1 tsp xanthan gum

1 1/2 cups gluten-free oats

2/3 cup brown sugar, packed

1/2 tsp cinnamon

6 tbsp cold butter, cut into pieces

1 egg

OK – the second one just went in my mouth.  This is not good.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Spray an 8×8 baking pan with non-stick spray and set aside.

Pour the apple juice into a medium saucepan.  Remove the stems from the figs; roughly chop the figs before dropping them into the saucepan.  Bring the figs and  juice to a boil over medium heat; reduce heat and simmer uncovered until the figs are tender and most of the juice has been absorbed (15 minutes or so).  Turn off the burner and allow to cool a bit, then pour the mixture into a food processor.  Pulse the figs until smooth, then move to a bowl to cool the rest of the way.

If you’re lucky, you have a second bowl and blade.  If you’re like me, suck it up…wash and dry them so you can do the next steps.

Put the flours, xanthan gum, oats, brown sugar and cinnamon into the food processor bowl.  Pulse until the oats are finely ground.  Add the pieces of butter, continuing to pulse until the mixture resembles crumbs.  Add the egg while pulsing again until all is combined.

Pour half of the flour mixture into the prepared pan and pat firmly into an even layer.  Spread the cooled fig mixture evenly over the base, then pour the remaining flour mixture over the fig and press gently.

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes.  Cool completely before serving.

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2 thoughts on “Only here

  1. Well…it's taken me a long time to realize how bad this is for someone, and sometimes I do forget (that's just me).  On the other hand, when I was making dinner last Friday night, I bet I washed my hands a dozen times (maybe trying to tell myself:  "you will not gluten her tonight").  I hope everyone out there realizes, although I am a real idiot about it sometimes, that I love this women, and tso happy that she's feeling sooooo much better after being diagnosed and getting her diet straight.
    I know she posted this way back in 2010, but I really never took interest in actually getting on the site (to see how bad she rips me…LOL).
    It's one thing to get old…it's another thing to get old lonely!!!
    Love you dear!!! 

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